Surrendering it All

This month is somehow going by so quickly! My team and I arrived at our ministry site about a week and a half ago. This month we’re partnered up with an organization named ‘Mi Casa’ in Santa Tecla, El Salvador. It’s an orphanage for young boys and girls that have had traumatic pasts and have no one to give them the love and care they need. There’s a girls home and a boys home across the street from each other. The ages range from 4 to 19. We are currently living in the girls home with the 16 other girls here. It’s already proving to be a month way outside my comfort zone.

We were eagerly greeted upon arriving here by smiles and hugs and the warmest welcomes I’ve ever had. We learned names and ages, got tours of both houses and found out they are already finished with their school year so it’s their year end break for the next 2 months. They have a pretty demanding school schedule during the year so it’s prime time kid time – relaxing, watching TV/movies and just hanging out being kids. We get to do that with them this month! How exciting! We’re spending our days playing Uno, watching Disney movies, playing at a local park, endless hours of coloring and just talking and getting to know them. Most of the kids know a fair amount of english, so being able to communicate with them so well has been a blessing. While yes, it has been so fun here, it has been equally tough..

These kids are so easy to love. Too easy to love. I fell head over heals with all of them night one. They love so freely and boldly. Each day I learn and love more and more about each and every one of them. We learned some of their back stories after getting to know them for about a week. Bob, our ministry host and founder of the organization shared with us the difficult stories. 

For the kids privacy I won’t be posting any pictures of them this month or sharing their names. 

Some of the kids are here secretly. Some of the kids have parents that are gang members. Gangs are so prevalent here that the kids are in private schools because most of the boys end up being forced into gangs and the girls are subject to being raped by them during the school day. Some kids were sold by their family for sex. Some kids were already in gangs in government run orphanages. Some kids were sexually abused by their families. Some kids were forced to beg on the street for food. Some kids ran away from their horrible realities. Some kids have endured such physical abuse it’s a miracle they are alive. Some kids were in and out of foster care. All of them are here with the biggest hearts and biggest smiles. I assumed they had difficult pasts but was no where near prepared to hear the unthinkable details about each one I’ve grown to love. 

So I find myself in the most difficult position I’ve been in on the race thus far. How close do I let myself get to them? How can I possibly love these kids then say goodbye in a few weeks. I found myself questioning God the other night with heavy tears and a heavy spirit. Why were we even brought to this amazing, loving place for it to be so temporary? I don’t know, but I’m assuming I may never return here or see these kids again. Why should I put my heart in a place of being broken if I could prevent it somehow? 

Simple: because Jesus did. 

God gently reminded and comforted me with this way of thinking.. Jesus spent his 3 years of ministry loving everyone He came in contact with. He didn’t pick and choose who He loved and who He withheld love from. How dare I? He freely loved, healed, listened to, restored and cared for everyone He could. He surrendered Himself daily, hourly. He sought out opportunities to go beyond Himself for the sake of others, even if it was just one ‘unclean’ ‘unworthy’ person. He gave but He also gained. Surrendering isn’t reckless or weak. I’m learning it’s an opportunity for God to blow my mind. If (when) I’m a mess leaving these kids I expect God to comfort me. I expect Him to comfort the kids that are unfortunately use to goodbyes. I expect to learn more about His character. I expect to be sad but glad at the same time. I expect a sense of joy in loving His people like He would and still does.