Training Camp // LOVED

Over the last ten days I have slept in a tent in the middle of Georgia August heat with what started as a bunch of strangers. I learned to shower with just a bucket and a hose. I was introduced to the types of food I’ll be eating over the next year. I sweat through more clothing than I care to share. My body aches and my feet are stained from the red dirt and clay that invades everything. But I’m writing this with the biggest smile on my face because when my God loves he loves hard. My heart is overflowing with joy and love and a sense of belonging and abounding peace from my creator. Those strangers from the beginning of the week quickly turned into family in such a short time that I now can’t imagine doing life without them. 

Training camp definitely prepped us for what’s to come, especially scenarios that could be problematic. I packed for camp like I would for the race, everything into a 65 liter pack.. tent, sleeping pad, sleeping bag, variety of clothing, toiletries, mess kit and a few other little things. It weighed in a little over 30 pounds that I’m now used to carrying around on my back. We had a ‘12 hour layover’ one night in a simulated airport with all the airport noises, lights and frigid temperates. I learned an eye mask and ear plugs are extremely necessary. We experienced community style sleeping cramming about 12 of us into a tent with all our gear. Our squad had half their packs ‘lost at the airport’ and had to bunk with others for a night. We slept through a monsoon that left our tents muddy and soaking wet. We had cookouts, played games, sang and danced ridiculously together in the middle of the woods. Our souls melded together during these days and nights. 

I’ll admit I went into camp highly underestimating the power of it. I thought I’d meet my teammates, learn about the countries, cultures and customs I’d be traveling to and honestly just have a fun getaway from the normal day to day routine. Boy was I wrong. Yes, all those things happened but I wasn’t expecting to learn more about God and myself in those 10 days than I had in my entire lifetime. During the first few days I kept coming back to the question of ‘who am I?’ I felt like I’ve been the person that’s always been needed in whatever the situation. I’ve played many roles with many different faces. Workplace Kaitlin was different than friend or daughter Kaitlin. The more I reflected on it the more I hated it. But my question easily and graciously turned to ‘who does God want me to be?’ 

SO LET ME TELL YOU! 

Jesus says in Matthew 10:8 ‘freely you have received so freely you should give’ and this has become such a pivotal verse in my understanding of Jesus’s love for me. A love that I think our earthly minds can’t completely grasp. A love that willingly suffered and died for me to live. A love that is overflowing and life giving and perfect in every way. Never selfish, never unjust, never expecting. A perfect representation and reflection of what we should strive for. Of course we’re not Jesus; we’re imperfect but that shouldn’t hinder our attempts to love like Him. I felt His love for me in the middle of nowhere Georgia like I’ve never felt before. It had a face, it had an embrace, it had a feeling that left me craving. God wanted me to know that I’m loved and I’m worthy of being in the middle of His love. And He wants me to display and give this love to everyone along my path. My squad, my teammates, my ministry hosts, and all those I’ll be ministering to. I have graciously received His love and I plan on giving that same love away forever and ever. So to answer the question of ‘who am I?’ and ‘who does God want me to be?’ Easy.. I am LOVED. I am loved by a King that has taught me how to better love others. 

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